Monday, January 11, 2010

My lifelong struggle - Day 10

I struggle. I struggle very much, and I hate it. I'm sure by looking at the photo that I took last night after leaving my meeting - you have guessed that the *thing* I am referring to is my weight.

Truthfully, right now I don't have the (needed) time to write all of my thoughts and feelings on this (since I can hear the girls awake up in their cribs and I need to get Ben up for school) but I have lost weight and gained weight and then re-lost those same pounds countless times throughout my life. Right now I am the heaviest I have ever been (or will ever be!) This past fall when I was insanely busy with my photography business - health, nutrition and exercise all got put on the backburner and were replaced with fast food, premade and "convenient" foods and repeatedly only getting 3 (maybe 4) hours of sleep at night so I was too exhausted for any exercise...
I have been successful at Weight Watchers before (for instance, when john was in Iraq, I joined and so when he came home - he came home to a fit and healthy wife (whom I miss so much!). Anyway, I have been a "member" and attending meetings on and off ever since the girls were born but I finally hit rock bottom. I am finally to the point where I am willing to put forth the effort to make my body feel its best and to treat it properly. I went to the meeting last night (which was the first time back since before the holidays! LOL) and while the scale showed how "baaaaad" I was - I was motivatd even further to DO THIS THING! and that's what I love about Weight Watchers - it teaches you how to live and plan for everyday life. Party's are going to happen. Vacations are going to happen. Holidays are going to happen. I just need to find the inner strength to not let the food overtake in those situations and to "enjoy" the time and celebrations but not go hog crazy, ya know.
alright, I've been rambling long enough and the girls are still up there "chatting" with each other so I'll end on that note....


springrose said...

I can relate to the losing the lbs and then regaining them! I lost about 25lbs last spring and was feeling so good, then I got pregnant again and couldn't do anything and was on an IV then I ended up losing the baby at 16 weeks and I am still at the weight I was when I lost the baby. I have lost about 3 lbs. But I am so tired and not as motivated as I was last year!! BUt I need to lose about 50+ lbs!! I know I feel better when I weigh less. My sister in Cali, and I are trying to support each other. I am trying to do the Biggest Loser Cardio Max and she is walking a ton each day and drinking tons of water. She lost 4lbs last week just doing that! She needs to lose about 150lbs. Just remember, you are important and special no matter what you weigh, and you know John loves you no matter what. You need to do this for you!! Want to join in on the "confession" emials where I tell my sister how well, or bad I have done for the week and you and I can support each other as well?! Let me know!!

Jamie said...

Oh Shandy, I feel for you too. I think I am the heaviest I have ever been as well. I know I am pregnant but I am not even done yet, i have another 3 months and still I think I am heavier than when I gave birth to Maleah! Good luck to you on this Weight Watchers thing, i've never tried it before but I have a friend that lost around 150 lbs doing it. She looks AMAZING! So I know it can be done. So GO SHANDY! YOU can motivate me too!

Cindi said...

You are not alone! I too can relate on all of your levels of losing, gaining, losing and hitting rock bottom. I have found when you vocalize your strongest feelings it tends to help you keep your motivation and reach your goal. Hang in there and good luck!!! I am right there with you, so we can cheer each other on!

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