My lifelong struggle - Day 10

I struggle. I struggle very much, and I hate it. I'm sure by looking at the photo that I took last night after leaving my meeting - you have guessed that the *thing* I am referring to is my weight.

Truthfully, right now I don't have the (needed) time to write all of my thoughts and feelings on this (since I can hear the girls awake up in their cribs and I need to get Ben up for school) but I have lost weight and gained weight and then re-lost those same pounds countless times throughout my life. Right now I am the heaviest I have ever been (or will ever be!) This past fall when I was insanely busy with my photography business - health, nutrition and exercise all got put on the backburner and were replaced with fast food, premade and "convenient" foods and repeatedly only getting 3 (maybe 4) hours of sleep at night so I was too exhausted for any exercise...
I have been successful at Weight Watchers before (for instance, when john was in Iraq, I joined and so when he came home - he came home to a fit and healthy wife (whom I miss so much!). Anyway, I have been a "member" and attending meetings on and off ever since the girls were born but I finally hit rock bottom. I am finally to the point where I am willing to put forth the effort to make my body feel its best and to treat it properly. I went to the meeting last night (which was the first time back since before the holidays! LOL) and while the scale showed how "baaaaad" I was - I was motivatd even further to DO THIS THING! and that's what I love about Weight Watchers - it teaches you how to live and plan for everyday life. Party's are going to happen. Vacations are going to happen. Holidays are going to happen. I just need to find the inner strength to not let the food overtake in those situations and to "enjoy" the time and celebrations but not go hog crazy, ya know.
alright, I've been rambling long enough and the girls are still up there "chatting" with each other so I'll end on that note....